but it's deeper than that, more than creating a simple club where we do activities and watch movies and have conversations. it's about challenging a mentality, about fostering a new one, about taking young impressionable brains and trying to plant seeds that will bear some sort of positive fruit. yesterday we watched "in america", one of my favorite films, that has layer upon layer of social, psychological, and philosophical messages, and i was trying to get that to come out in the viewing and meeting. yet one of the teachers saw me yesterday right before the start of our first english club meeting, and when i told her that i hadn't seen any students yet, she said that i have a lot of nice ideas but "it's the students". if i hear that one more time, if i hear "this is italy" or "this is Sraffa for you" or "the students are like this" one more time, i think i'm going to explode. the point is not always to find interest and then take advantage of it...the point is to TEACH interest, to CREATE interest, not to put our hands to our chins and "mandare a fanculo" those who we think will just never get it, ie like i feel like many teachers in this school do. maybe i'm completely off my base, maybe i am just an ignorant american who takes for granted that she has been raised inside a completely different system. but if something works better in one place, and something else doesn't work, why not try to impart some of what is positive into that which needs some revitalization? apathy breeds apathy, and i think that this is what happens here...it's contagious. i could go on and on and on...but i'm trying to keep the negativity down and keep the positivity up. it's amazing what a thank you, a smile, and a nod can do around here, yet that doesn't mean that i won't fight back...i'm just learning the balance between the fighting and the heaping burning coals thing. and also how to appreciate the small steps, to hold back, and not expect an immediate return on my investments.
this month has been full of other challenges as well. i'm learning what it's like to have zero recourse to money. after paying two months of rent, a one-year health policy, an apartment deposit, and food, 600 euro are pretty much gone. this month has been painfully tight, and i spent every last centesimo i had last week. finally yesterday i did an english lesson and earned 15 euros and felt like a queen. i hadn't gone grocery shopping in a week, but on my way home stopped and got milk, spent 1.87, and felt extravagant. this month is extraordinarily tight, and won't always be like this, and i'm hopefully going to get reimbursed for the health policy since that's 80 euro that i buy groceries with for a month. english lessons are a good way for money, but aren't always consistent. i do have an interview with an english institute later today, though, so that's another possibility for extra work.
but i'm actually enjoying this quasi-poverty thing. it's making me appreciate a good meal, helping me to cook creatively, and use what i have in the fridge and cupboard instead of going out to buy more food. more than anything it's amazing what kindness and generosity i've seen this month. i told the caretaker who came to the english club meeting, and who i've become friends with and give english lessons to, that i earn 600 a month and hadn't gone grocery shopping for 2 weeks (it was a challenge to myself, and i was telling him about it laughing, because i had had fun with the challenge). he took it seriously though, and since then has given me tons of food, like amazing leftovers from the meals the kids in the hotel program prepare, as well as other leftover and unused goodies. and he also invited me to eat whenever i want in the school "restaurant" where the kids prepare and serve and eat everything they make (last thursday one of the dishes they prepared was an amazing pumpkin and telaggio cheese risotto in baskets made of grana cheese that still makes my mouth water when i think about it). it's humbling and gives me goosebumps at the same time, all of this... humbling in that even without a centesimo i am still wealthy compared to most of the world, still have a full stomach, and still have a warm roof over my head as well as a family who will run to my aid if i ask, and goosebumps because i see that there is Someone who cares for me even in the moments that seem the bleakest.
and to add to all that, i have found a beautiful apartment from january-on at an incredibly low price, have two americans here who are amazing and becoming fast friends (one of whom i'll be in the new apartment with), have an italian boy who smothers me in affection, food, and entertainment along with his crazy roommates, and a beautiful sun that has decided that a month is long enough to stay away. this journey is unpredictable and incredible, even in its simplicity, if you only open your eyes to the Magic.
